10 Fisting tips & tricks
for Bottoms
1. Find a good douching technique that works for you. If you have to do it for too long your insides can get irritated, making fisting afterwards painful. Some techniques and tips can be found here.
2. Set up your play area to create the mood but also with safety in mind. If you have only your bed or sofa available, protect it with a playsheet and/or old towels. A sling or fuckbench is an investment, but so much more comfortable (you can find them here for affordable prices). With some red lighting you can create an intimate and sexy atmosphere. Do not forget cleaning products like a spray, kichen paper and a trash bag or bin.
3. Mood music is essential for most people. Start with something slower and relaxing for the warm-up, and later you might want to switch to something more up-beat for your harder fisting, if it comes to that. Our two recommendations are DJ Jon Doe’s “Food for the Soul” on Soundcloud, and Mixcloud’s Deep House genre.
4. Play with toys. Discover alone what you like and become a pro at your own hole. The benefits of playing alone include having complete control over what happens, not needing to communicate what you want, as well as having the space to truly relax and take your time. This is a great opportunity for experimentation.
5. Play with experienced versatile players. The fisting community consists largely of guys who are 50-50, so they can teach you how they do it from both sides. Most bottoms are sometimes happy to top as well and the fact is that ´best bottoms are best tops!! If you do it with a 100% top, make sure he’s one who is understanding, sensitive and experienced, so he can also help show you what works and knows how to treat your hole right.
6. Experiment with different positions. Each person’s anatomy is slightly different, so find out which positions work best for you.
7. Find out which lube, gloves and poppers work for you. Purchase them yourself rather than relying on other people, it shows you care and know what you’re doing, which is attractive and reassuring for your playmates.
8. Communication with your top is essential. This isn’t like fucking, you need to be able to discuss what is pleasurable and what is not, and to feel that the top is sensitive to what your hole needs (I call this “listening to the hole”). If you aren’t connecting with your top, it’s possible the fist won’t feel very sexually satisfying. Communication doesn’t need to be with words, it can also be through eye contact, facial expression, touching, moaning and even breathing.
9. The psychology of bottoming for a fist can be a bit complex. My most helpful hint around it is to practice meditation, in order to expand your ability to relax and be present. There are many meditation apps available, and youtube has a plethora of courses as well.
10. Don’t make yourself wrong when fisting doesn’t work. Sometimes you aren’t as horny as you thought, or your butt is too tired, or some other circumstance means your mind cannot relax and you can’t get in the mood. These times will happen. Leave it, love yourself, and look forward to next time because that feeling will definitely come back again.
for Tops
1. Wash your hands, trim and file your nails, and wear gloves (or clarify with your partner if you would prefer not to - it is a risk people make an informed decision about, just like barebacking).
2. Communication is the key to succes. Speak with your partner and/or always offer eye contact. The bottom doesn’t need to accept it, but if he searches for eye contact you need to give it. This enables his relaxation as well as non-verbal communication with you. His life is in your hands, so show him you are being responsible for it. Communicate your enthusiasm. Show him how you love it too!
3. Safety first. Use a lot of lube. Better wet than injured. Generally in a session, you’re looking after the safety of the bottom. He can put himself in your hands, and this way he can focus on relaxing and getting in the zone. After the session, clean him up and give him plenty of time to recover. It’s a rollercoaster ride, so he might be dizzy and need some time to lie down. Or he might just need help standing up. A big hug and a glass of water helps. You old softie.
4. Be patient. Don’t remind him to relax. If you tell him to relax, it comes from a place of impatience or misunderstanding, and that destroys the mood. Also don’t rush him if he’s still douching. Open him up patiently (yes, it’s worth repeating). Provide the space and time to relax, and he will. Yes mama, he will.
5. Let yourself be led by what the bottom wants - he should actually control what happens. Think of him as the ship’s captain who sets the course and speed, and you as the guy who steers the ship so that it reaches its destination. Or think of him as the dom and you as the sub, if that image works for you. Bottoms do a lot of work preparing for a session, so it’s right that they get what they want.
6. Study the anatomy. It is complicated, and the more you know, the easier it is to top. Combining your knowledge of anatomy with your sensitivity during sex will mean a successful experience. Don’t be a nerd about it though, just have the knowledge in the back of your head and feel what works in the moment.
7. There’s a wonderful saying, “Learn to sail in old ships”. Take experienced bottoms and work with their holes. Let them show you which movements to make, splash around in their bottomless pits, see how deep and wide you can go in them while not needing to worry about whether you might stretch them too far or cause damage. Experienced bottoms are heaps of fun, and pretty much always sweet guys, too.
8. Start to see your hands as centres of pleasure for yourself. It’s a bit weird, but hey, it’s fisting - what did you expect? Practice making fine fluid motions in your spare time (learn the piano, it helps). On an erotic note: each time you fist, the connections in your brain between movement, feeling and pleasure can develop. You begin to feel quite turned on by what you feel inside a guy’s ass, and that is magical. Let yourself fall into that feeling. It’s for your own pleasure, as well.
9. “Listen” to the hole. Be in tune with what your partner needs or wants. Watch his body language, feel if his insides are expanding, how fast and deep his breathing is, see if he looks comfortable and horny. Be patient. All of your movements need to make sense at any given time. The fisting session is a journey, and it may surprise you where it ends up, but to get there you normally need to take the first steps very slowly. You don’t start a car in 4th gear on a highway, you start it on a side street where you can relax and take your time getting it in motion. Having said that, don’t bore him by going too softly or slowly. You have to drive this car just right, mister.
10. When you´re finished with your session, you clean the bottom. It´s an unwritten rule in the fisting scene; the top always cleans the bottom! Don´t forget also to clean the playarea (sling, floor, ...) so you can start soon with the next round.